Rwanda Orphans Project: Explaining America to children and "The Gold Regulation"

Trusting in God on the bus system in Kigali...

The Justin Bieber bus in Kigali

Today I spent another wonderful afternoon tutoring and playing with the kids at Rwanda Orphans Project. As usual, Jean de Dieu, the boy I've been tutoring, met me at the intersection leading to the orphanage. He laughed when I told him that I take motos there because I am afraid of the buses. He asked what it was that scared me so much, and I explained that I am afraid I will get on the wrong bus and end up far away. He then pointed to one of the buses and showed me how its primary stop was written on the top of the windshield. There's nothing official about these buses and they are all decorated differently. I heard that there was once a Justin Bieber bus on the road for awhile. Anyway, when that bus left, another one pulled-up and it had "I trust only in God" on the windshield written in the same place that Jean de Dieu had pointed to as the location of the bus's stop. I looked at Jean de Dieu as we both noticed this and asked how I was supposed to know where that bus was going. I told him that I certainly trust in God, but I do not trust my Kinyarwanda language skills enough to get me to the right place. He laughed.

A day at ROP
Today the other director was there, an American who came to Rwanda to teach English for 6 months and has now been here for a year and a half running Rwanda Orphans Project. When he first arrived as a volunteer a year and a half ago, he'd discovered that the caretaker at the time was embezzling (i.e. taking donated funds for himself and selling donated items like clothing etc. in the market). So Sean reported this to the board of directors in San Diego to which they responded, "ok, now you're in charge of running the orphanage." He had been a computer analyst for several years in the U.S. and had no experience running a non-profit, but was clearly motivated and driven and has done wonderful things for the boys. He said that funding is an issue because of the historical corruption. Currently, they only have enough money for 6 to 9 more months. He said that he's optimistic that they can cobble funds together - his co-director is in London right now meeting with foundation - but it's hard work. I get the feeling that he dedicates nearly 100% of his time to the boys. If he's not at the orphanage playing soccer or teaching, then he's in town buying supplies and trying to get grant money and support. Very impressive.

Since he had to leave around 5:00pm today, I agreed to take a group of the boys into their activity center. As I mentioned in an earlier post, this room contains books, toys and games - most of which these boys had never seen before. They only let groups of 12 boys in at a time so that there isn't too much chaos. This room contains nearly all of the toys for all 100 children that the directors worked very hard to obtain, so they are very protective of them. I played dominos, catch, and legos with some of the younger boys. The older boys (12+) enjoy the instruments (and are quite good), puzzles and costumes. Yes, you may think middle and high school is a little old for costumes, but remember that most of these boys grew up in the streets and all of this is new and fun. The activity center is definitely the highlight of the orphanage and it was fun to see how excited all of the boys were to go in. They were lined-up and waiting as soon as I got there with the key, and it was extremely difficult when it started to get late and I told them I had to go home so we'd need to leave.

While watching over the activity center, I helped Jean de Dieu with more economics. I had given him a few homework problems to do, which he brought me to check. He is truly very smart - he could reiterate everything what we talked about last week, almost in exact words, and had clearly been studying. His exams are in a few weeks, so I'm glad that he's preparing so much for them.

Chatting about America with Jean de Dieu
Jean de Dieu walked me back up to the road to catch a moto and asked me if there are any orphans in Virginia. I told him that there are, and he was so surprised to hear this. He then asked me if I had both a mother and a father, and I said yes, knowing that this would also surprise him. He then did something that I never expected - he told me his story of what happened to his family and him in 1994. He said that he's only told one other person in his life. He then told me that his mother had sent him to live with his cousins and aunts, but that they too had been killed, so only he survived. He then explained that he'd been made to work on farms and forced to herd cattle and such, so he escaped and ran away to Kigali (i.e. he was raised by a bad person until he was old enough to run away). I didn't ask, but he must've been quite young when he ran away - no older than 9 or 10 - so he must've lived on the streets for several years. I am glad that he felt comfortable with me, and I wish I'd known exactly the right thing to say. I told him that I thought he must be very brave and strong and that I was very sorry for his family. Very few people talk about what happened, and the director at ROP had told me on my first visit that Jean de Dieu had PTSD from what he'd seen but would not talk to anyone about it.

As we finished that conversation and Jean de Dieu changed the subject, I noticed that a group of people had started walking very close behind us. I know that Americans are unusually big on personal space, myself included, so I didn't do anything. But after awhile I felt strange about how close they were and the fact that they were pointing and talking about something that I couldn't understand.  I actually felt a little paranoid, so I moved to the other side of the street. I think Jean de Dieu realized that I'd become uncomfortable and explained to me that the girls were noticing how different I looked. He said that they don't see many people with white skin there. At that, Jean de Dieu asked me what Americans call people with white skin.

At moments like this, I never feel very prepared. I could tell him slang words and try to explain the meanings and connotations, or I could simply explain how I think most people wish things were. So, I told him that we do not like to talk about the color of skin. I told him that in America we like to recognize people for who they are on the inside instead of what they look like. He then asked why people in South America have different colored skin than people in the U.S. I felt proud to tell him that America has no one "type of skin" because we are a mix of all different types of people from all over the world. I explained that my ancestors are from Ireland and England, but that I have friends whose ancestors are from China and Japan and Africa.

At that, he told me that he doesn't think that America has problems with different ethnic not getting along. I told him that was not always true, sadly, and that every country has problems, but that we are always trying to help everyone to get along and be at peace. He said that he understood that, but that in America we do not have wars where one group kills another. I agreed with him and replied that no, we do not do that. In these conversations I like to make sure people know that I appreciate the good aspects of my country because I don't want to run the risk of people thinking I take these things for granted: that would be offensive, I'm certain. However, I also like to be realistic with people and explain that there are problems everywhere and that America isn't devoid of issues. I get the impression that a lot of people here believe that everything in America is perfect and wonderful and that everyone is rich and gets along.


On that note, I hope you all don't think I'm being a downer by bringing up sometimes sad situations. But in an effort to be "fair and balanced," I am trying to give an accurate picture of my experience here. Of course there are so many wonderful things about Rwanda, which you've read about. But I believe it's also important to understand the less happy side, the side that needs help. So, I'm trying to be real with all of you as I write this blog.

The gold regulation
When we got to the intersection where I could catch a moto, I thanked him for walking me. He asked me why I always thank him when I am the one coming out there to help and getting nothing in return. All I could think to say was that it's good to live by the golden rule. He didn't know this phrase, so I tried my best to explain it. R's and L's are very difficult for Rwandans to pronounce, so I tried and failed with both "rule" and "law." However, when I got to "regulation" in my list of synonyms, he understood. (Side Note: If you haven't picked-up on this, Rwanda is a very rules and regulations-based society). I then tried to explain that the term meant  that it's important to treat people nicely, the way that you want to be treated. He liked this rule: "the gold regulation." Next time I meet with him, I'll explain that one a little more.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week! Love and miss you!

Always,
Meredith